I am a people person.  I am energized by hanging out with friends.   I love activities, hosting parties and being tightly connected with my friends and loved ones.   I really don’t like to miss out on anything fun and consider myself to be pretty spontaneous.

But I reach my limit.  As anyone, extrovert or not, eventually does.  And sometimes I feel regret because I don’t have the energy to spend on the people or activities that are most important to me.

26 years of being an adult “in the real word”  have taught me a few lessons on balance and not getting the life drained out of me.   You have to set healthy boundaries on activities and relationships in order to make sure you have time to devote to those that are “life-giving”. Here’s how:

  1.  Don’t over schedule the day.  This just causes undo stress and no one gets the best of you.  Plan less so you can be more present with the ones you are with.
  2.  Prioritize mornings.  Wake up early enough to have your quiet time, take the dog out, clean up the kitchen and get the kids ready for school.  This means going to bed early enough!
  3. Say “NO” and feel good about it.  There are only 24 hours in a day.  Most of us sleep for 7 hours and work for 9 hours.  That leaves 8 hours for family, travel time, kids’ activities and household duties.  You do not have that much time in your day left so make decisions wisely.  You can not say yes to every invitation.  You definitely need to say “no” to someone who is inviting you to do something that you don’t want to do or is not good for you.  And you do not need a reason.  Just say, “No thank you,” and keep it at that.  You do not owe anyone an explanation.  If they do not accept your “no” then that is a sign they are trying to control you.  There are some relentless people out there and you do not need to feel badly for your decision to decline their invitation.
  4. Protect your time and your family.  Each day you need to be able to be available to the opportunities God asks you to join Him in.  This means that you are going to have to say no to numerous other people and activities.  You do not have to explain yourself to people.  At the end of the day, you are accountable to God for how you spend your time and energy.  He is the one you need approval from.  Over the years there have been people upset with me when I have said “no” to their request.  I absolutely hate hurting anyone’s feelings!  But I have to give that to the Lord and not worry what others think of me.
  5. Let go of the hurt.  Because I am such a people person, I get my feelings hurt easily.  I have wasted so much time thinking about the past and feeling sad.  I have gone out of my way to do things for people in their time of need, only to be forgotten when the tables are turned.  It drains my time and energy to dwell on these things so I have learned to discipline my mind to think about other things.
  6. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8
  7. Know who your real friends are.  Quit giving excuses for others who don’t show up for you.  Move on.  Count your blessings.  Look around and see all the Lord has blessed you with.  In times of crisis, God has given me WONDERFUL people who love and encourage me.   These “life-givers” have blessed me in so many ways and I will focus my time and energy on these relationships.

Making these kinds of decisions takes thoughtfulness and strength.  Seek the Lord to guide you.  I would also encourage you to reach out to a mentor or professional counselor if you are struggling with boundary issues.  I meet with  mine a few times a year and it is so helpful.

Other suggested resources:

Boundaries  By Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Jerry Townsend

Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Jerry Townsend

Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason

Trent Shelton You Tube videos.

Proverbs 31 Podcast Therapy and Theology

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